Blogger?

Sekarang jadi trend blogger. I have a blog, does that make me a blogger? 

I don't think there are a lot of blogs from people that I don;t know that I read. A lot of malaysian blogs just write about what they eat, where they went, what they bought and who they met. Ok, like a journal, but with pictures. Pictures that are taken with a DSLR at least twenty times before being selected to be uploaded. Aufgeschoenert. Haha memang baru reka saja perkataan tu. The beauty of german language. Boleh reka perkataan untuk bagi semua orang lebih faham. Macam dicantikkan dahulu journal sebelum dipamerkan kepada semua orang. 

Good for you, kalau you buat macam tu. Persisten. Pelik juga, apa gratifikasi yang korang dapat? Maaf, bukan mengutuk tapi sekarang pondering. When I'm writing down my journal, I write whatever comes to mind first. Bila baca balik, kira come clean at my own terms. Sebab semua yang ditulis benda pertama yang comes to mind. So, kalau tak puas hati, baca balik, dan kadang-kadang tepuk dahi sendiri. Aduuhhh... Bodohnya lah aku ni, ada pula fikir macam tu. Sesi terapi orang biasa-biasa kot.

But showing everyone what you ate, what you bought, ahh, that reminds me of when I was young. Dulu lepas habis periksa saja semua orang boleh bawa mainan ke sekolah. Cikgu bagi. Ada bawa Saidina, pastu kalau up sikit, bawa Monopoly. Masing-masing macam menayang apa yang diorang ada. Compare, bapak aku beli yang paling mahal ke tak ni? I don't really remember if we really played with those atau sekadar saja diorang bawa ke sekolah. Atau mungkin aku yang tak diajak main sebab aku pendiam sangat dulu. Ye lah, nak cakap apa, tak ada kredibiliti. Sebab I just had my Enid Blyton books. Duduk jerla diam-diam baca buku cerita sorang-sorang. Tak pernah jealous pulak diorang bawa mainan best-best. Sebab tu kot I don't really quite get the hype of being a blogger. 

Jangan salah faham. Malaysian blogger ada class of it's own gitu. Cuba cari south east asian countries yang lain yang sama taraf macam Malaysian blogger. Singapore, the Phillipines juga, maybe? 

But me, well I write for the sake of writing. I don't even own a camera. Okla, camera phone ada la. Bila tiba time nak rekod kenang-kenangan kan. Cukuplah camera phone pun. Yang penting I get to write. I'm not putting up a show. This is the real me. I eat midnight snacks and I get distracted from studying, like right now.

Well I guess that's a post for now. Muahh, haha.

Sebab-sebab Perempuan Malaysia TIDAK Patut 'Travel Light'

1) Kenduri-kendara Emergency
Balik kampung, MESTI bawa sepasang baju beradab, i.e. baju kurung dan yang sewaktu dengannya. Kalau pergi kenduri, kena la pakai baju kurung kan? Kalau pakai seluar jeans, baju tshirt ketat, siapa nak buat menantu? Kalau dah pakai baju kurung, takkan nak sarung kasut Converse putih khau yang macam dah kena rendam dalam belacan tu?! Haruslah ada sepatu Cinderella. Manalah tahu kot-kot ada Prince Charming  just around the corner gitew!

2) Pakaian OTT
Ha, kalau dah keluar melancong ke apa, pakai baju relax-relax, baju t-shirt besar, seluar jeans lusuh. Normal jer, kata pon nak relax. Haaaa, tapi tengok-tengok you terserempak abang you punya member punya cousin punya adik ipar yang kebetulan ada jugak kat pulau tu, ajak pergi karaoke kat private box hotel tiga hingga lima bintang. Ada khau nak pakai selipar Asadi kau tu? Dah tak comel dah. Maka haruslah ada sepasang jeans branded yang mahal yang khau beli time tengah sale hari tu dengan baju blouse comel mak khau belanja. Muka takkan togel je? Rambut takkan nak kusut-masai kan? Haruslah ada satu kotak mekap dan pengerinting (atau straigtener bagi yang suka lambut lurus).

3) Teringat Pulak Nak Buat Sports
Khau balik kampung ingat nak makan lauk spesyel atok khau suruh nenek khau masak, tengok-tengok Mak Lang khau yang doktor tu kata darah tinggi atok khau dah naik sikit. Atok khau ajak khau dengan mak, bapak, adik, abang khau sekali pergi joging/ berkebun. Ha, cuba khau try pakai seluar tidur three quarter khau dengan selipar Asadi yang khau rasa comel tu. Orang kat trek joging ingat family khau amik outing dari hospital orang gila, nyamuk kat kebun pulak buat kenduri kat betis kau yang macam hutan belukar thu. Apa lagi, sumbat kasut sports la dengan seluar trek sepasang khen.

4) Pak Ngah Belanja Makan Restoran 
Dah alang-alang semua orang ada kat rumah atok khau, Pak Ngah khau pulak teringat nak bawa semua orang makan kat restoran ketiga paling mahal kat Pulau Pinang. PA dia dah book meja untuk dua puluh orang. Tinggal nak pergi order makanan je. Khau hado nak naik kereta pakai selipar khau pinjam nenek kau sebab selipar Asadi khau putus time khau langkah parit kat kebun atok khau? Eh, mestilah tidak. Sebab dengan family khen, khau kena la pakai elok-elok sikit, tetapi masih kontemporari untuk makan di restoran mahal gitew. Khau pun bawa la skirt panjang khau beli hari tu sebab segan dengan atok khau dengan blouse panjang sepasang.

5) Hiburan Emergency
Aduyai, kena pulak dah stay lebih tiga hari dekat kampung sebab hari kedua tu ada pulak dah kenduri yang kena pergi. Aiiiii orang kampung, kenduri kahwin pun dia boleh buat macam surprise party khe. Dua hari kena tunggu khen, takkan dua hari khau nak membuta. Maka bawalah sebuah buku untuk dibaca, majalah-majalah hiburan terkini, atau kenapa tidak sumbat saja PS3, Wii atau pun Xbox. Boleh la semua orang tumpang main sekali jugak khen?

Banyak je lagi sebab-musabab perempuan Malaysia HAROOOOOMMMM travel light, khen? :)

Post Jiwang #24

You pernah tak jumpa someone yang you nampak menarik?
Mesti pernah la kan

Pastu you kuburkan hasrat nak suka someone tu sebab that someone tu macam out of your league.
Muka pasrah

Tapi sebab you have mutual friends, you selalu jugak jumpa that person. Then tibalah hari yang ditakdirkan bila something in your head clicked sebab you guys lepak-lepak and you had that A-HA moment masa korang bersembang just the two of you.

And you start korek information about him. And it turns out that he is...

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all that you could ever want in a guy and better. 

You just can't believe your luck and you pun startlah mengelokkan diri. Sebab nak dapat yang elok, kena jadi yang elok kan?

Then, tengah prepare-prepare tu, that person dapat tahu from someone else yang you suka dia. Reaction dia; not negative, and macam suka je yang you suka dia.

Pastu you pun buat la muka

He hasn't heard from the cat's mouth yet, yang you suka dia. Tapi somehow, you noticed, you dah berubah. You dah matang, you emotionally stable, you independant, you strive to be the best (aduh, ayat cliche, tapi tak boleh elak) yang you imagined someone could be.

Hmm, mesti dia pun dapat pahala kan? Inspiring someone for the better. 

Did you really just read this post? Haha, thanks :)

Aunt Flo is Visiting.

Have you ever thought about your problems? All of them? At once? Alone? Under the blanket? 

Sometimes I hate it when I get my period. But normally I don't. I feel thankful that I'm a woman and that someday, I'm able to have children. Sharing your love with someone and having a child isn't something everyone is blessed with. 

It gives me terrible mood swings though. 

Two days ago, I cried for no reason whatsoever. I called home, felt happy everything was going on well, hung up and tears just started pouring out. Really, it didn't even well up in my eyes. It just poured and poured, stopped after five minutes though.

And I read a few lines that reminded me of what it's like being in love (despite my forever alone relationship status) just made me swell up inside. The physical side of it too! No wait, no sex, just you know, having that particular person in the same room and all you seem to notice is him. The way he sits next to you. Your knees touching his because he's that close and the room is so crowded. Mmm... 

Then this terrible feeling of not stepping up. Generally in life. Where you think about all your problems at once. OK, reading this is making me realize how foolish this is. Silly me :)

Then there are the first day cramps. On a day where you have to take an exam just isn't funny. This siberian winter isn't helping with the cramps either. But again, I was lucky despite not taking my pink pills not to cramp in the exam hall. It waited till I was at home again, in my pink pyjamas, under my pink duvet. 

But hey, I know how to be happy alone. (God forbid I should stay alone). There's nothing like spending some me time. A playlist of some mellow songs that remind me of people I love, a bunch of grapes and a glass of chocolate milk for dinner. Oh and I'll light up some apple candles later :)

Because I like You Like Teh Tarik! =)

I tried to do handstands teh tarik for you

I tried to do headstands teh tarik for you

Every time I fell on you yeah every time I fell 

I tried to do handstands teh tarik for you 

But every time I fell for you 

I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for you

As The Saying Goes, Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover

YESTERDAY, as I was hanging out at a friend's house, just drawling about a current admiration for a certain someone, a friend asked me; Is that really what I want?

My mood immediately went southbound. The current admiration is based on my tendencies towards guys who have a balanced sense of fun, good intentions and the ultimate goal of Jannah. Yes, I know what the word means, and beyond doubt, is also my ultimate goal. This particular guy (in my POV) has the exact mixture of what I'm looking for.

What saddens me is that, a lot of my peers seem to think I'm all about fun and flaunting of every worldly possession known to man. Is it wrong that I know exactly how I want to dress or that my choice of grub is a little bit fastidious than some? Does that define me as a worldly person with no thoughts on the Afterlife?

This is the first time in my life genuinely liking someone from the opposite sex. Before this, it was always me letting guys making the first step and me awkwardly responding. In a way letting people come into my life without really consenting. I thought guys should always make the first step. However, everyone who is familiar with the story of our Prophet's PBUH first wife can explicitly make the exact opposite remark.

I don't don a head cover and in a pitiful tone, it is a flaw. The only way I console myself thinking about this sometimes is, that no man on earth is without flaw. But I do not think this inevitably gives everyone the freedom of categorizing me as a Schlampe or a corrupted woman. I am again, just a person with flaws.

A lot of times I laugh off to my own distressing feelings like anger, annoyance or grief. But laughing doesn't make me super human. I dare to say, it's the opposite. Not a lot of people know of my vulnerability and the degree of Einfuehlsamkeit that I can possess.

Now writing this, I do hope the person meiner schlaflose Naechte realizes to an extent what my intentions are. What happens then, is ultimately his predilection and I promise to those who worry about me not to let it get to me in a corrupting way, be it a good or bad response. After all, what's loving without risking something?

Hating Your Father

It's hard to not hate someone who hurts the person you love the most in the whole wide world. It's harder when he doesn't do his best to care and to provide for your only little brother who still lives at home and depends on your parents.

It hurts me the most to think that my gentle giant of a brother is growing up in an awkward situation where he cannot even look up to his own father. Having a close male role model. I vow to do my best to set a good example.

Being away means I don't have to deal with a deadbeat of a father. We don't talk, we never do. It's not like he cares anyway. It's not that I care. I don't even care that he treats other people's children better and cares about them more than his own. Fuck you. My mom deserves better than this, but maybe that's just what she has to endure in this lifetime.

Sometimes I used to dream of killing him with my bear hands. Barbaric you might say. I guess it's just all this pent up anger. I don't ever care enough to hate him, I just hate it that my little brother is the victim of the situation. But little brother, I am so proud of you, you lazy monster. You didn't study, lost your notes, how the hell did you get straight A's?! I guess you're blessed in a forsaken position. And I'm more than proud of you for that.

I'm sorry, but why do you have to be such an asshole. If you can't handle the situation, just kill yourself, and I don't mean it in a bad way. OK, suicide is an unforgivable sin, but you don't care about sins anyway, don't you?