My Whit Weekend

I woke up at 4.30am thirsty and I am still up (6.30am).

Maybe the fact that I havent been to the gym for a week has made me exhausted after finally dragging my bum there yesterday at 7pm. Gym was almost empty and the trainer chatted me up for half an hour.

After doing only upper body and finishing up at around half past nine, I was cold. Reminder to self: do not wear flip flops and a tshirt when it isnt oficially summer yet.

Had my chicken stroganov- I am quite a dandy arent I- and watched a series and I couldnt keep my eyes open anymore.I woke up late yesterday, ate, did some cleaning, slept again before going to the gym, and now just a few hours after gym, I am sleeping again!

I was so tired, I didnt even wash my face (with my new grapefruit Neutrogena facial cleanser, shit smells goooddd son).

So, it is Whitmonday and I will be getting out of bed now (after watching Game of Thrones and 3 youtube videos).

Aggressively Passive

Fuck you Rosarote Brille 
For making me soft hearted and into love songs,
For making smile when I go to bed,
Fuck You!!! (with a big smile on my face)

My Poor Writer's Soul

Do you know that feeling when you've ignored your 'inner' voice so long that you start having a guilty conscious? Or is this just me? Talking to yourself is not a disease, right? Christian said whoever talks to themselves will never be lonely. Oh hell yeahr :)

Finally going somewhere with my studies, I'm doing my final year project. Uhum. Leonardo da Vinci in engineering. I know, WTH?! The team is more than OK (with the exception of L), the professors are really nice and we do have fun together. It's just a weird theme for an engineering project especially at an applied sciences university. Buuuuut, it's fun, so I'm just riding on that.

I keep having angry, confused dreams about my father. It is obvious that I want nothing to do with him and his longkang life, but I don't want it to affect my relationship. Oh, I am after 3 gazillion years, in a relationship? It's even hard for me to type it out, since I've never been in a relationship where I'm so calm and I don't feel uncertain about my feelings. I don't want to say he's the man of my dreams, but I guess he's close to it. Apakah ini?! LOL

And finally lost 10kg after being obese for the longest time. Another 10kg and I'll be happy, but why stop there, right?

Things to be Happy About

1. lying in bed with a laptop 
2. scented candles that make your bedroom smell like a bakery (three words; iced crumble cake)
3. a clean room
4. that good night SMS, from that special someone
5. organised chaos
6. spring temperatures
7. a good dinner

oh, did I mention all these things happened tonight? ♡ ♡

The Patient Heart

Are you kidding me?! No heart is ever patient. Even anatomically. If it were patient, we would all be suffering from brain damages. Brain says "I need some blood right now", Heart answers "Be patience", and then we drop dead or lie in a vegetational state for the rest of our artificially respirated life.

And when it comes to non-scientific decisions where the 'heart' does a lot more work than the brain, it's almost impossible to make a decision that is logical. The logic is in the brain, but the brain isn't working, the heart is doing all the thinking!

So what I basically need to tell myself right now, is, just take a step back. Give the heart a rest. If it's going to happen, it'll happen.

It just sucks to think that, all this while, you tell yourself "I am a strong woman with dignity and self respect". But then a guy comes along, and you say all this shit that you start getting mad at yourself. And then I think. Where was this strength, dignity and self respect I was telling myself about?!

But I guess I just have to tell myself and be convinced once again, that I AM a strong woman with dignity and self respect!

Stuck in a Rut

and trying to get myself out of it............................

Compulsive Buys

I have a lipgloss/ lip balm/ lipstick problem. Thank you Hanis Zalikha for making me want to buy these things T.T